the MILF story

I'm shockingly ignorant. It appears everyone knows this term but me. Even my daughter (I've heard tell) has referred to someone as MILFy. Not in front of me of course, but I have it on good authority.

So. I was away for the weekend down the road from Asilomar with a friend. Long walks. Books to read. More long walks. Papers to avoid grading. Paper to write for the Anthropology meetings in Montréal. Scrabble. Birthday (hers) dinner. More long walks.

We had a nice dull time of it. Didn't even go on pilgrimage down to Big Sur. Not even Carmel. And only once to Monterey. And that's what we were there to do: nothing.

But after a while, nothing needs a little help.

The traditional nothing to do is, of course TV and the movies. And there was a big screen in the room. The typical number of choices: never enough. Never what you're looking for. Never what you feel like watching.

The point being, really, that we didn't agree on what to watch. But it was either TV or grade more papers. Or play more Scrabble. Or—

I suggested it.

She, of course, was horrified.

Being an anthropologist, you can justify just about anything as research.  So. Call it research rather than utter boredom or avoidance of work. But I took over the remote and checked out the Adult Movie Selections.

And it was nothing but MILF.

I mean, what the hell was that?  The teaser pictures on each selection was not any help in trying to figure it out.

Did M stand for 'male' and F stand for 'female'?  If so, I tried to work out what the letters in-between might mean.

Male Israeli Lebanese Female?

That's all I could come up with. Okay, that would be my mind not in keeping with the American wet dream. We were both completely mystified.

But wait!  I had my computer with me. The computer I was working on to finish up the conference paper.

"Don't use that!" she said. "You could end up with a virus on your computer!"

Yikes. A sexually transmitted disease attacking my computer? That would be a bad thing.

I picked up my iPhone instead.  Somehow feeling that Apple would protect the sacred little hand job object. And I looked up MILF.

No way. No possible way. No, no, no, no NO!

It just didn't seem possible.  Every porn site in a mainstream coastal 'resort' was MILF?  That was the part that got me.  The category just went on and on and on on the TV in our room—and there weren't any other choices.

We watched Helen Mirren do tough-old-ganster in something unforgettable.

But at least it wasn't another Scrabble game.